a sore point

A little word of warning to all those crafters out there, count your needles! A couple of weeks ago Scott had the misfortune of running onto one of my sewing needles that had escaped out of a little sewing bag and wedged itself into the rug. Not only did the tip of the needle snap off into Scott's foot but it wasn't even noticed until a WEEK later, during that time (well 20 minutes after the 'incident') Scott went on a 5 hour bush walk, yes 5 hours with a needle in his foot....ouch. During the five hour bush walk he also managed to step on a coiled up black snake (more likely a red-belly black snake), luckily it was sun drunk and didn't bite him but it did really freak Scott out. He was more than an hours walk out of bushland with no mobile phone coverage and no snake tourniquet.

I felt so awful that my crafting inflicted pain on my lovely, but graciously Scott got how crap I felt and has not yet milked this situation (will wait for the picking up socks vs picking up needles argument though). And how did this needle come to be extracted you ask? Well first a local anaesthetic and a lot of digging around in the wrong place, arggh, and then a whole day getting ultra sounds and x-rays and fasting, only to be told at 4pm the surgeon was too tired and then finally the next day he was put under a general anaesthetic and as the surgeon said "had a bit of a fishing expedition on his foot".  The surgeon was very good, the wound was as small as you could hope for and recovery is pretty much complete, I am now on extra high alert with regards to all sharp objects that may inflict serious damage....lesson learnt.

photo by Suriya

Now a little segue into other lessons learnt (learning), Scott and I have recently been realising the difficulties in adjusting to the change in the dynamics of our relationship over the last nine months; Scott adjusting to full-time parenting for the first time and me adjusting to having to share the parenting and working out how to work together in this. It has been really challenging at times but some amazing and rewarding things have come at holding on and working through. Scott realised that he had some childhood stuff that just kept coming back to bite everyone on the butt and even though he would read really great/amazing books like: "Heart to Heart Parenting", "Unconditional Parenting" and "Playful Parenting", they wouldn't really seep in, he would see the light but then find it hard to put into practice, especially in trying times.

Conveniently/luckily around this time we noticed a flyer for a course that was being held at Bundagen, it was called Heart Parenting and was being run by a woman called Jo Field, the course is based around compassionate communication. And oh my goodness, what a wonderful course it was, after the 5 weeks, Scott has been able to engage with Poe and Ilo, myself and others with a tool-belt of empathy, clear and kind communication and an openness to the plethora of feelings (more than 60!). It was really interesting hearing him talk about the groups he was in and how when they were asked "When did you feel listened to as a child", not many people were able to actually talk about times when they were heard by an adult, oh my goodness, that just breaks my heart, how are people supposed to listen if they have never been heard?

Since the course Scott has had some really beautiful dinners with friends talking about relationships, childhoods and how to connect more authentically with the self. I am so proud and excited for him, he was so brave to confront generational behaviours, analyse them and then find tools and practical ways to stop them. One of the most beneficial aspects of the course was the way they would role play scenarios, they really helped Scott, practical examples that you act out or watch being acted out, how different tones affect different situations and how anger is actually secondary emotion that is masking an unmet need, which is so much more than he got out of any book. The notion that there are four types of responses to any situation, 1: attack the other (you are terrible), 2: attack ones self (i am terrible), 3: have empathy for yourself and get in touch with your feelings (i am feeling this and need this), and 4: ideally, having empathy for the other and getting in touch with their feelings and needs (it sounds like you are feeling like this and may need this). The last one is the best and hardest way to respond by the way. The first two are the least encouraged.

As part of this course they also set you up with an empathy buddy, who you can call and who will listen without judgement, he will be meeting up next week with his buddy for some mutual downloading, reflecting and hugging. They also have monthly group practice sessions, which is amazing.  As with anything new you learn it is all about practice (and practice and practice) until it becomes the norm, he is doing an amazing job and I just feel wells of excitement, pride and love for him, us and our family.

If anyone is interested in doing this course, we can't recommend it enough, some friends in Sydney are thinking of putting together a group (Jo does weekend intensives), so if you are interested let me know and I will hook you up or if you aren't in Sydney just email Jo and have a chat.